Kalaimamani

In the year 2020...

On the set of another reality show...

Host: Welcome back to Ungalil Yaar Adutha Kalaimamani! All the competitors have finished their performances, and it is time for the judges to reveal this week's winner and elimination.

Guest judge Jeeva : I would like to come onto the stage.

Other judges : Aarambichutaanya... Intha guest judges stage-ukku ponaale elimination illanu artham..

Jeeva : All of you danced very well. The elimination is... erm... Master, I feel very bad, let's just give the Kalaimamani to all 8 of them!

Host : Wow, all 8 of them have been awarded the Kalaimamani! This isn't a simple achievement, contestants, only 3 million people have gotten it before!

In a school compound...

Student A : Dei, I've been selected as the Role Model student for 3rd Grade!

Student B : Che, all I got was a Kalaimamani!

Student A : Aiyo paavam, how could they do that to you?

Student B : I don't know, I think it's because I didn't hand in some assignments. Romba avamaanama irukuda. Everyone's making fun of me, they're writing my name on all the toilet walls!

Student A : I really feel bad for you man...

On a poster on the road...

"Vote for me! I promise you sweeping reforms! Not only that, if I win, I promise that each household will get a Kalaimamani! Veetukku oru Kalaimamani! I can feel the pain of the common man, that he does not have a Kalaimamani. If you vote for me, I will make the Kalaimamani award available at your nearest Ration Kadai!"

On the news...

News anchor : A new twist in the Kalaimamani awards this year; the number of awards given out this year has fallen compared to last year, to a lowly 9500! This is the first time in years that the number of awards has fallen below 10,000. The announcement was met with riots in the streets and the burning of buses. The Chief Minister commented upon the decision.

Chief Minister : We have tried our best to hand out awards despite the current crisis. We were unable to find any people in Tamil Nadu who have yet to get the award, and have resorted to bringing in immigrants just so that we can award them. I'm pleased to announce that Kumari Paris Hilton has agreed to take up Indian citizenship, and that she is in this year's award list.

Opposition Leader : This is injustice! When there are so many poor people in our slums, how can he give the Kalaimamani to other citizens! Is the Chief Minister blind to their needs! Doesn't he know they crave the award too!

News Anchor : In a new twist of events, Sandhana Kadathal Veerappan has been posthumously awarded the newly created Kolai-mamani award. Having appeared on TV more than any of the stars receiving the Kalaimamani, he truly deserves the award!

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If you guys don't know what I'm talking abt, check this out. The award is becoming a joke, and an insult. As Vinith pointed out, if they are giving the award to both Kanja Karuppu and Saroja Devi, they might as well go on to give it to J.K. Ritheesh!

And about the first scenario, those who saw Ungalil Yaar Adutha Prabhudeva last week will know what I'm talking about. This "no elimination" nonsense is getting on my nerves. The only situation for no elimination is when everyobody is so good that you can't decide. If two idiots screwed up, and you can't decide who to eliminate, eliminate both!